We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its liver damage thursday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
