alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize