You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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