New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
