im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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