Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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