it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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