dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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