The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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