I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
