How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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