I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
