I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
