Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
