dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
