I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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