I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
