apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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