We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
