After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
