3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
