This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
