so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
