Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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