I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
