So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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