I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
