I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize