I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
