Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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