make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
