you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
