Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
