hotel room ftw
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
