Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
