Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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