Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
