I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
