I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
