pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
