3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
