Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
