I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
