This is not my ceiling
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize