he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
