Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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