Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
