careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
