I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
