I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
