Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize