My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
