Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
