I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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