I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
