did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
