best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize