I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
