Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
