Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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