She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
