Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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