Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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