dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
