he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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