I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
