God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sober January is a disaster.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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